A few people commented on my post last week saying I should have mentioned learning how to say no. I didn’t leave it off intentionally; I thought about it as soon as I hit “publish.” One amazing woman commented that your “20s are for saying yes; your 30s are for being selective…”
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A few years ago, I was invited to a bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding of a woman with whom I was not close. We were more than acquaintances but less than what I considered a friend. The bridal shower weekend alone would have cost me over $400, and attending the wedding (which was a few hours away from our town) would have been at least a few hundred, once you calculated the cost of hotel and travel. All of the events happened in the midst of a busy summer and I simply did not have the time or extra money to attend. I responded to the RSVPs and respectfully declined. I thought it was over, but the bride-to-be sent me a Facebook message asking why I could not attend any of the aforementioned events. I was truthful-She was pissed.
I was shocked by her gall: I didn’t have her phone number, didn’t know her fiance’s name, didn’t know where she lived or worked. And yet I was berated online for not taking part in her life. Despite my shock, I stuck to my guns and said no. And I didn’t feel guilty.
Saying no is new(ish) to me: I’m Monica Geller and I have the disease to please. I am not afraid of confrontation, but I will be the perfect hostess and employee and girlfriend and friend and daughter until I snap. Eventually you have to please yourself.
As an adult, you have to create boundaries. Saying no is NOT a type of aggression, and it’s okay to say from time to time:
When it involves money. We work hard and many of us are still paying student loans, mortgages, etc. Sometimes spending money on lavish weddings or birthday gifts isn’t possible. That’s part of the responsibility of an adult. It’s also fine to say no to lending money. Trust your instincts.
When it involves time. We are all short on time between work and life and some days don’t have a minute to spare. If you’re overwhelmed (or simply need time to finish House of Cards), it’s time to say no.
If it could endanger you. Self-explanatory. Hopefully you don’t have anyone in your life who would ask you to do something that would harm you, but if you do, say NO. And get the hell away from that person.
You feel uncomfortable. I lived by myself before I moved in with J, and one of my male neighbors asked me to take a drug test for him. Specifically, he asked if he could have a urine sample (100% true, tell Jesus). I OBVIOUSLY said no. And moved in with J a few weeks later.
There are many circumstances when it’s acceptable to say no and I just highlighted my favorites. You are allowed to be selfish and selective: your family, career, and you come first.
Are you okay with saying no? What would you add to the list?
Also- make sure to enter our $50 Sephora gift card giveaway below. This is one time you should definitely say yes! 😉