Happy Monday, friends! Can you believe Halloween is this week? October has flown by!
I had written something else for today but there’s something I’ve thought a lot of lately: how do you measure success?
When I imagined my life at 30, I thought it’d look… different. I thought I’d be further and more comfortable in my career. I thought I’d be married. I thought I’d have a child. I’m being vulnerable here. Life doesn’t always go the way you think it will.
I get it: how many of us could say this? This isn’t to say I’m not happy or not grateful for where I am. I know God knows what He’s doing. That’s hard for this control-freak to say. But I have faith.
I often wonder if I’m doing what I’m supposed to do. I know I enjoy it, and really, isn’t that half the battle? I think our parents and grandparents stayed at jobs for 30 or 40 years and retired comfortably but I’m not sure that’s an accurate representation of life nowadays.
And sometimes I see people my age (or younger) doing SO MUCH with their lives and I feel like I’ve done something wrong. Do you feel this way? Like Saturday when I was so exhausted and it was pouring rain and I got involved with an hours-long marathon of Tiny House Hunters and saw people online doing the coolest shit and I’m wondering who has the energy? I work all the time- what else can you do?
We have been blessed with good careers and money for homes and cars and groceries and money to invest and I am so thankful. Sometimes after a trip to the store I look in our pantry and fridge and feel overcome with gratitude. And isn’t that success? We’re two adults doing what we love, living in a home that’s ours, I’m driving a beautiful new car, and we sleep on the world’s most comfortable mattress every night. And it’s not just about material items: we have a wonderful relationship, health, and the best friends and family. We have shelter and warmth. We’ve worked hard for what we have and I get to spend time and money on this crazy blogging hobby. I should feel like the biggest success in the world.
Then I see women who have time to travel and those drinking coffee in bed at 11:30 on a Tuesday who blog for a living and attend conferences and I feel really, really wrong. How do you get there? I’m lucky if I have time to grab a cup of coffee between meetings. I’m lucky if I can travel to my hometown over the weekend. I feel like I haven’t sacrificed enough because my job always comes first. Date nights always come first. Time spent chasing my niece always comes first. And sometimes, sitting and BEING comes first. You can only give so much of yourself.
A stream of consciousness if I ever saw one. Maybe I’m going through a quarter (or is it mid?) life crisis. What makes you feel like a success? How do you know if you’re doing what you’re “supposed” to do?