Happy Monday! Are you still snowed in? While I’m not psyched to venture down our death-trap of a driveway and go back to work, I am ready to get out of the house. I thrive on routine. I get major cabin fever this time of year and spend too much money online shopping! Yesterday I ordered us new dishes, cooking utensils, kitchen shears, and a gorgeous spring-like candle. Also day-drinking. Being indoors is dangerous.
I did put together my terrarium:
My view all weekend as I re-watched Making a Murder with J.
This post is not even close to eloquent- more a stream of consciousness. Too much bourbon snow cream this weekend? I’ve been overwhelmed lately. Who hasn’t? I think a few days off enjoying the peace and quiet of the snow opens your mind. It’s probably the first time I’ve had a chance to think in months.
Last week, the husband of a high school acquaintance passed away. He was in his early thirties, the father to a very young son, husband to a young wife. He had suffered with cancer for years. Their family has been on my mind nonstop the past few weeks. My heart breaks for them but it can be easy to forget that this happens. I live life like I’m going to live to 100 even when we know that life is fleeting. We know there are accidents and sickness and disaster. We’re not promised tomorrow and it frightens me how many of us are just existing on this earth instead of LIVING (myself included).
I am consistently amazed by the things we put ourselves through to make it day-to-day: we go to jobs we hate, we stay in unhappy relationships, we hoard money away for retirement, we drink green smoothies, we make the safe choices because we think we MUST do those things. I get it. We HAVE to work to provide for ourselves and our families. We HAVE to save. Our bodies NEED to be nourished and treated to non-garbage. But sometimes I want to be able to let go.
I was offered a job a couple of years ago that I had to turn down because of salary. The woman offering the job desperately tried to convince me to take the position: “but we offer state retirement!” I admit that was tempting. But the more I discussed it with J and turned it over in my mind I realized: not everyone makes it to retirement. I might not make it to retirement age. What about NOW? The job paid $14,000 less a year than what I was making at the time… was it worth it to struggle and scrimp and save and miss out because I might retire in 30 years? That is not promised to me. I ultimately decided I’d rather be happy today.
And yet I admit I am struggling to find happiness in my career. I like what I do. But it’s never just right. Am I Goldilocks? Turning 30 opened my eyes to a different way of life: you don’t have to be miserable every day. I called in to my job last year for the first time when I was so sick and didn’t worry about it. I’ve stayed up later. Enjoyed more cocktails and pizza. Experimented in the kitchen. I’ve tried new things and turned off the news in the morning in favor of Friends. I’ve savored my coffee. I’ve bought what I wanted, said what I wanted, lived how I wanted.
But even with all of that, here it is: life is much more difficult when you’re in an unhappy situation. There’s only so many treats you can buy. Only so many walls you can scrub. Only so many nails you can chew. Do what you can to get out of that funk. One of my favorite quotes from Bridesmaids is “…fight for your shitty life.” Fight. Hustle. Work. Nothing is ridiculous. If you want to be a full-time blogger, make it happen (and it’s okay if you don’t, of course). If you want to become a makeup artist, do it. If you want to start your own business and make just enough so you can spend your weekdays day-drinking, you go, girl. And if you love what you’ve chosen for your career, you rock. Part of self-care is being happy, so do what that takes. It’s okay if you don’t always choose the safe option. Don’t deprive yourself of that life. Enjoy this world why you are here. Be grateful. Friends, let’s be brave. Own your happiness. Own your life. Do what the hell you want to do.
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