How was your weekend? We stayed in the entire time, aside from a quick trip to the store on Saturday. We enjoyed the cool air, our bed, and too much charcuterie and cheese. I’ll pay for that today. And I bought new rugs and two pairs of shoes. Budgeting going well. Hoping to get back on track this week – and keeping my fingers crossed that the air stays on!
Bloggers love weddings, so I hope this post doesn’t upset any of you…
I received a bridal shower invitation for a woman I haven’t seen or spoken to in five years. I’ve maybe seen her five times since I graduated from college nearly ten years ago. She’s a sweet gal, but I was surprised by the invite. I didn’t even know she was engaged. I don’t have her phone number and she doesn’t have mine. I’m bad at Facebook. We don’t live in the same town. Our lives have taken different directions. I’m surprised she thought to invite me. We know nothing about one another as adults. We weren’t close in school. I don’t know where she works or where she lives.
This has happened to me before. A few years ago, I received an invitation to an extravagant bachelorette party weekend. It would have cost me at least $500 (and it wasn’t even out of state), and that’s not including gifts, the bridal shower, or factoring in the cost of attending the wedding. And, yet again, it was for someone I do not consider a close friend. Not even a friend. When I declined the invitation, the bride sent me a message on Facebook asking why. I told her the weekend was not in my budget – and she was not happy. We haven’t talked since… not that I’d talked to her years before the incident.
I’m a people-pleaser, but for your sanity and bank account, you sometimes have to say no. Right? While the upcoming shower is much more budget-friendly, I still feel compelled to decline. We are not active participants in one another’s lives. She’s never met J, doesn’t know what I do or where I live, doesn’t read my blog. I’d exchange pleasantries if I ran into her at Kroger and then I’d go on my merry way. Is it wrong to not want to go?
As an introvert, these things are hard for me anyway. Eating bite-sized snacks while discussing china patterns and catering nightmares while playing “get to know the groom!” games is not my cup of tea. I’m much more of a stock-the-bar kind of lady. And, let’s be real: when you’re not married or engaged, there are lots of questions and comments: “You’re next!” or “Why aren’t you married?” or “Have you tried online dating?” or “Do you feel lonely?” or “Don’t you want to get married?” And then there’s advice from couples who have been together a grand total of six months and want to share their wisdom. It takes a lot for me not to say, “Talk to me about your perfect relationship when your air conditioning dies for two weeks during the hottest month of the year, or, God forbid, you lose your internet connection.”
I guess what I’m trying to awkwardly say is, if my wedding were today, it would not occur to me to invite this woman. I don’t mean it to be ugly: a wedding is supposed to be one of the greatest days of your life, and I don’t want to spend it with people who I would only exchange pleasantries with if I ran into at the grocery. I know many couples invite guests to their weddings so people don’t get their feelings hurt, but honestly, that’s not how I think. I want to celebrate with people who genuinely want to be there – not because they feel a sense of obligation. Not because they’ll be mad at my mom if they’re not invited. I don’t want to spend the best moments of my life with people who do not bring me joy. Have I lost all sense of social decency?
I want the best for everyone. We all deserve happiness. But do I have to attend the wedding and bridal and baby shower for everyone I’ve ever met?
What would you do in this situation?