For the past few months, I’ve been taking cold showers. Not intentionally, of course. I had no water pressure and a low temperature and I just dealt with it. Took quicker showers. In the midst of this, I’ve had horrible allergies. Despite regular allergy shots I just can’t shake the daily headaches and pressure. On one particular bad day J suggested I take a hot shower. I told him I couldn’t. When he found out why, he was so upset that I hadn’t told him earlier. We’d had so much go wrong in the past six months in the house that I didn’t want to burden us further. So I took cold, pressure-less showers. As soon as I confessed, he had it fixed right away. And it’s been blissful hot showers since.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the things we deal with because we don’t want to rock the proverbial boat: sickness. Tiredness. Unhappiness. Abuse. We take the garbage because it’s what we do. I think women (speaking for myself here!) are especially susceptible to this. We’ll eat scraps if there’s not enough to eat. We sacrifice. We deal with so much bullshit because we THINK it’s easier than speaking up. But what kind of life is that? Do you want to live a life of cold showers and crumbs and sadness? Because I don’t.
After a friend told me about her horrific relationship, followed by “but I don’t want to hurt him”, I told her she was like the meme where the dog is sitting in a room that’s on fire and says “This is fine.” No, it’s not fine – the world is burning down around you and you accept it. Denying your reality. Staying in a dismal situation to avoid saying “this is not okay.” Because it seems easier.
My advice for us all today: if it’s not right and it’s not happy and it’s not okay, let it be heard. It’s okay to say something is broken. It’s okay to say that something, whether it be a job or relationship or life, is shitty. It’s okay to say you’re not being treated right, and, dammit, no one else is going to speak up for you. Has to be you. Be heard.