I went to a blog meet-up over the weekend and I was so worked up about it that I made J take me out for a drink beforehand (even though said event took place AT a bar). It can be intimidating to be yourself when yourself is a rough-around-the-edges, foul-mouthed, sometimes crude, opinionated, inappropriate, beer-guzzling, bottom-heavy, southern gal. I’m also an introvert. Standoffish. I see bullshit and am quick to call it out. As I’ve said many times before: I struggle to extend grace to others because I never do the same for myself. I’m a lot of fun at parties.
It would have been easy to stay home on Saturday. The weather was terrible, I didn’t feel great, and I’m a homebody. There were ballgames and laundry and cleaning that could have taken priority. But I’ve had a lifetime of letting these insecurities get in my way, so I downed a beer, put on my favorite lipstick, and marched in like I deserved to be there, too.
Even when I was skinny(er) (I had a big butt before they were cool) and younger, I didn’t feel like it was enough. Is it EVER enough?
I think of all the ways I’ve held myself back and the self-hatred over the years: I’m not skinny enough. My hair is too thin. My butt too big. I’m from the wrong town. I’m too old. Ultimately those things will not hold me back from success, but my attitude about them will.
And would I ever say these negative things to someone else? A friend? My sisters? My niece? Sometimes you have to talk to yourself like you would a child: I’d never tell my niece (or any child or other human being) that they weren’t enough. That they were too heavy. Or too poor. Or didn’t exhibit enough class. So why punish yourself?
Remember on this celebration of love day: you’re not your weight. Or your credit score. Or your GPA. Or relationship status. Or financial bracket. You’re not your house or apartment. You’re not your hair or broken-out skin. You’re not your clothes or shoes or makeup. You’re not your car. You’re not your Instagram followers. Do not seek validation from things that do not love you back.
We must stop telling ourselves that what we have to offer isn’t enough. Because that is a bullshit way to live.